It’s been a while since my last post, and the truth is that I’ve struggled with finding motivation to write since July. Personal life can be such a nuisance sometimes, getting in the way of things you enjoy! Unfortunately, you can’t always turn your back on it, and you must work through it before you’re able to jump back into your imaginary world.
But we’re back, and I’ve recently posted a new short story, which took me months to write, but we got there! It’s called “So I Stole A Horse”, and you can read it here.
Today, however, we’re not talking about that story; we’re talking about “When I Was Big”, a story I wrote back in the summer. It’s a strange one, but it’s a story that I’ve always had sitting in the back of my mind, ever since I was a child.
“When I Was Big” follows the story of Lucy, a woman who suddenly wakes up as her seven-year-old self. Throughout the story, she needs to adjust to realising that life as she knew it never happened, and deciding whether she’s happy or not to be a child again.
I’ve always wondered what I’d feel like if I woke up one day back in my childhood bedroom as a seven-year-old. How would I feel? How quickly would I adjust to being a child again? Would I appreciate the lack of responsibilities and the worry-free lifestyle?
But then there’s the other side, all the memories you make as an adult, all the achievements, passing exams and tests and getting jobs accepted, making friends for life, falling in love, and being able to make responsible decisions and become your own person.
The big question of the story is, if you were given the choice to wake up as a child again, would you?
It’s a tough one for me. I have some days when I really grieve my childhood, and other days when I’m so proud of where I’ve come. If I were a child again, I’d be able to spend time with my mum, be ignorant of the news, and simply live carefree, something we often don’t realise we have as children. But I’d also lose my friends, my job, and the person I’ve become.
This story was quite challenging to write. For starters, there is simply too much to cover! Waking up as a child would be such a mindbender. I had to cut so much out to keep the story “short”. This was especially tricky when it came to Lucy making the realisation that she’s a child again, and it’s not a dream. I didn’t want it to drag on for too long because there was the rest of the story to write, but at the same time, no one would get used to being a child again in a couple of minutes!
The second challenge I was facing was writing from the perspective of a girl for the first time. When I begin a story, I have a habit of making the lead a male, usually around my age or a little younger, simply because that is what I know and what I’m comfortable writing as. For this story, I tried to expand my writing style. To be honest, it didn’t make much difference and was an easy first attempt, as I think everyone would feel more or less the same if they were thrown into Lucy’s predicament; however, it did mean I could make some jokes here and there that are women-focused (which got my sister’s approval).
When I first started writing, I had the assumption that Lucy would be thrilled to be a child again, who wouldn’t be? I assumed the story would be a goofy little piece about a woman-child jumping around, enjoying being without responsibility again and throwing her miserable adult life out of the window; however, as I wrote, the story took an unexpected turn…
To my surprise, Lucy wasn’t completely at peace about being a child again; in fact, she greatly missed parts of her adult life.
The story ended up being a game of tennis in Lucy’s head, going back and forth on the pros and cons of being a child, and the pros and cons of being an adult, and Lucy deciding how she feels about it. Ultimately, she chooses to accept her second attempt at life, using her fake-adult life as a practice run for the real thing, no matter how different it might end up being.
There is no explanation as to why Lucy dreamt her adult life, or why the dream was so long. Sometimes we have dreams that seem real, sometimes we have dreams that feel like they go on forever, sometimes we have dreams that we wish were real, and dreams that we are very relieved are not. I didn’t want there to be an explanation because we can’t always explain our dreams; they take us by surprise, and when we wake up, we just have to deal with the fact that it’s over.
“When I Was Big” is by no means perfect; however, it does have some good moments in there that I am proud of. The ending, in particular, was not planned, but I am very satisfied with how it came to be. The interactions between Lucy and her Mum are also a fun part that I enjoyed writing, with the Mum being so dismissive of Lucy’s situation, and being a classic Mum on a typical, frantic school morning.
I hope you enjoy reading “When I Was Big” as much as I enjoyed writing it, and maybe you’re able to relate to the idea of longing to be a child again, or perhaps you’ll find a new respect for the adult you’ve become…
Jake Grayson Writes 