A Fresh Start

Hello! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

To be honest, I don’t think anyone will have noticed that I’ve been gone for a few years, but maybe people will look back at this as a historic moment when this page has millions upon millions of visitors and when I’m a successful, bestselling author *slash* co-producer of an Oscar-winning movie based on my book.

Ok, so maybe that might be a bit of a stretch, but it’s always healthy to put optimistic energy out into the world!

Speaking of, that’s one of the reasons why I have returned to this little corner of the internet that I call my own. A lot has changed in my life since I last wrote on here. I’m 24 now, almost 25, which has been a rather scary thought. Part of me thought I’d always be a child forever and people will always be shocked when I say I was born in a year beginning with 20. But alas, “Time doesn’t hear if you ask it to wait” – Imagine Dragons: Waves.

A fairly recent development in my life is that I’m a manager now – that’s right! People somehow see me as being responsible enough to deal with things that matter! They must be mad! I also have an apartment of my own, with my very own sofa, desk, bed, and taxes!

On a different, very heavy note, inarguably the biggest change in my life since my last post is that I lost my lovely Mum in 2023. After four years of battling cancer, her body made the decision to let her rest peacefully. To say it’s been difficult would be the understatement of the century. I’ve still not entirely processed her diagnosis, so my mind is taking its time to process her passing. I don’t think I ever will, really. The grieving process has been quite the rollercoaster, and I’m sure I’ll write more about how I’ve been navigating it.

Along with grief, I’ve also been having troubles in other areas of my life, all leading back to a feeling of low self-esteem. Since being a teenager, I’ve relied on unhealthy forms of validation to keep myself going. I’ve always known it was a problem, but I’ve never really done anything about it. I suppose it got to a point where I really did think it was the only option.

Now, I’ve realised I am the only person who can change this. I’m worth more than temporary validation – and I think this blog might be part of the puzzle piece. I’ve mentioned before how much I love writing, I want it to be what I’m known for, and to do that, I need to write. It sounds obvious, doesn’t it? The problem I always had was motivation. It’s much easier to come home from work, where I’m writing all day, and stick YouTube on – disappearing into a world of escapism, which I still love, (can’t beat a Minecraft Let’s Play from 2014), but it’s not helping me the way I want it to.

The problem was that I made myself think that the evening was the only free time I had. Since I’m naturally a night owl and love a lie-in at the weekend. The issue here is the evening is when my mind is getting tired and starts to spiral. I’ve had a busy day at work where I feel incompetent and socially awkward, so how am I ever going to find the headspace to write a best-selling book?

It’s simple: The morning.

This last week, I set myself the challenge to wake up at 7am every day, including the weekend. I succeeded fairly easily (sometimes it took me a while to actually get out of bed, but I was awake nonetheless), and in the process, I realised something: I love the morning!

The morning is when your mind has rested, you feel fresh, the sun is up (for now, at least), and I just feel good! One YouTuber I’m a fan of, Drew Monson, said something along the lines of “Never listen to your brain after 9pm.” And I stand by this! By giving myself more time in the morning and going to bed earlier, I don’t have to worry about my post-work brain feeding me negative thoughts.

Along with becoming an early bird, I’ve also been stepping up my fitness routine. I’ve never been super confident about the way I look. Being 5ft 6 and a bit on the skinnier side, I’ve often felt less-than the other men in my life who often tower over me with their broad shoulders and long legs. Obviously, I can’t change this, but I can feel better about myself without comparing how I look to others. So twice a week I’ve been doing to traditional strength training (at home, too scared to go to the gym), and I’m also looking to start walking in the mornings before work. This means getting up at 6am to give me plenty of time. So that’s my next step. By shifting my focus to being more active, I’m confident that the negative thoughts I get will get stomped into the dirt sooner rather than later.

And, of course, waking up early and keeping active gives me time and motivation to write without having to squeeze it into my lunch break or after work. Speaking of, this is a writing blog, isn’t it, so I should probably speak about that for a little bit – I’ve blabbed a lot today, haven’t I?

After struggling for years, trapped in the planning and backstory phase of writing, I’m finally writing a story that I have faith in! I’m currently working on chapter three whilst planning the rest of the story along the way. I’m trying to teach myself that it’s okay for ideas to change, and it’s okay to go back and rework earlier chapters. That’s just writing!

So, the story itself. I’ve always been a bit protective of sharing my ideas, but since no one is really going to read this, not anytime soon, I think I’m safe.

Here’s my elevator pitch:

“After years of surviving a deadly red storm cloud raining down a caustic substance, two young brothers are suddenly separated from their parents and must brave the harsh land ahead of them. But with the storm endlessly circling the globe, shelter is scarce, and desperate people out there will do whatever it takes for a roof over their heads.”

So there you have it! That’s the big pitch! There’s much more to it than a storm; in fact, the more I plan it, the less relevant the storm is to the story. It’s more of a nuisance, and the story has become more character-driven, which I like.

I have other plans for the blog, too. Alongside my big project, I’m also planning to write short stories from a range of genres that I’ll continue to feature here, as well as some writing challenges to keep my brain ticking, and of course, some more blogs where I blabber about anything and everything!

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I really appreciate you. I hope you stick around to see what else I get up to. Let me know if you’re a regular reader, even if it’s years after I post this – maybe you checked this blog out after my Oscars speech went viral, or my book is featured in Times Square…

Ok, I’m getting carried away again. Wish me luck on my 6am endeavour, and hopefully I’ll see you soon!